Twelve weeks ago I found myself at the airport, sitting at baggage claim with eight other strangers wondering what the next six months would hold for me. I went into this experience thinking I was going to learn how best to do human trafficking ministry and have the opportunity to talk with girls already in the life. Little did I know that DTS would feel like open heart surgery and that it would be the most challenging three months of my life. If someone told me before I left what DTS actually consisted of, I probably wouldn't have even applied.
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When we were younger, we went through trials and hardships that left us with immense pain and oozing scars. At those moments we wondered if the pain would ever go away, if we would ever heal from the scars taking root in our hearts. And sometimes, years later, we still ask that same question. We still pray asking God to take that pain away because we're tired of not being okay, we're tired of the triggers that cause the emotions to bubble out of us uncontrollably, we're tired of not being in control of our own pain.
Three words from one of my favorite worship songs that seem to fall onto a hardened heart each time they leave my mouth. I’ve always known that God was good, but wondered if His goodness actually applied to my own life. I allowed my past sins to create what feels like a black hole near my heart that keeps my head knowledge of God from becoming belief. Being at YWAM has started to shatter that. The vulnerability I have had, the friendships I’ve began, and the concepts I've been learning have begun to break down that black hole and prove me wrong. God really is good all the time and He desires a relationship with me more than I could ever desire one with Him. His love is overwhelming.
I have been in Los Angeles for three days now and I already love it here. Our campus honestly feels like an oasis in the middle of the desert. Our team has already become a family, praying for and loving one another as we start to become more vulnerable and open with each other. As thankful as I am to be here, I have to admit that up until the day I left to come here, I was plagued by the doubt that God wasn't going to speak to me during my time here, that He wouldn't even show up after I had just taken a huge leap of faith by quitting my job to come here. But God saw my fear. He saw the lies Satan was feeding me and He was on a mission to prove them wrong. What I'm about to share is still so hard to believe, but I could not have started this trip off any better.
I sit here typing this less than one week until I board the plane to Los Angeles where I will begin to chase after the dream God placed in my heart and has taken years to come to fruition. I am immediately reminded of the day I sat in the kiddie pool behind my church, holding my breath as my college pastor baptized me. I had no idea then that God was going to relentlessly pursue me, love me, and prepare me to follow a dream He was going to plant in my heart not long after. All I can truly say is, this has been a journey.
I don't know many people that can say writing a research paper changed their life. I don’t think we take them serious enough most of the time for that to happen - at least I never did. Except for one. My freshman year of college, I took a class called The Great Conversation where I chose to write a research paper on human trafficking. Little did I know that paper would change my life entirely.
In college, my favorite show to watch was Grey's Anatomy. Every Thursday night you would find my roommate and I with our eyes locked on our tiny TV watching McDreamy save his patients' lives one brain surgery at a time. Swoooon. Besides dreaming about life as Mrs. McDreamy - like every other girl who watched Grey's - we learned what it meant to be someone's 'person'. And, over the past couple years, I have personally experienced having and being a 'person' a few times. Needless to say, it's an incredible feeling.
I believe there are two types of people in this world: people who relate to the phrase "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and people who relate to the phrase "variety is the spice of life". I find myself siding with the latter of the two. My family, on the other hand, would relate to the former. I like to joke around that I'm the black sheep of the family - but I'm slightly not joking.
It's hard to believe that Storyline Conference was over a month ago. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in a sanctuary with over 2000 like-minded people, eagerly awaiting the wise words of Donald Miller, Shauna Niequist, and Bob Goff. This experience was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I couldn't take enough notes, listen hard enough, or reflect long enough. There was an overwhelming amount packed into two days. I learned more than I ever imagined I would - which is why it has taken me this long to post about. The past few weeks, I struggled to complete coherent thoughts in my writing because my brain was in a desperate search for the right words. I scrambled to get all of my thoughts in writing before I forgot them. It was a battle I lost many times. After writing and rewriting ideas for weeks, I am excited to finally be sharing this with you. While what you are about to read does not even come close to covering all that I learned during my time there, I feel these ten lessons can be applied to everyone.
Have you ever had an experience in your life where you thought "This is it, my life is about to come to an end"? They're terrifying aren't they? I've had a few of those experiences myself. Back when I was a senior in high school, I was in the AP calculus class which required us to do these giant projects that took literally weeks to finish--and that's if you were diligent. I, however, was not. I was juggling school, athletics, our choir ensemble, and a personal life. (Still amazes me to this day that I did all of that.) The night before this giant calculus project was due, I was up until 3am working to finish it. No more than two hours later, I was up again getting ready to head to school, completed project in hand. My brother and I pile into the car with our belongings--backpacks, duffle bags, you name it. We of course are running late and I decide to speed to try to make up some time.
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December 2016
AuthorTara | 22 | Gordon College '15 Categories |