In college, my favorite show to watch was Grey's Anatomy. Every Thursday night you would find my roommate and I with our eyes locked on our tiny TV watching McDreamy save his patients' lives one brain surgery at a time. Swoooon. Besides dreaming about life as Mrs. McDreamy - like every other girl who watched Grey's - we learned what it meant to be someone's 'person'. And, over the past couple years, I have personally experienced having and being a 'person' a few times. Needless to say, it's an incredible feeling. But it took a lot to get to this point. I like to think of my life as though it were a puzzle, as though each year is a new piece and only after the piece has been put in place (the year is over) am I able to see how each piece contributes to the overall picture. So here, in the midst of figuring out where the 22nd piece of the puzzle goes, I am able to see how much each of those earlier puzzle pieces affected who I am today. To be honest, I'm not proud of many of the earlier pieces of this puzzle. I made some decisions that turned into mistakes, allowed my heart to idolize other things and people beside God, and made a mess of a few years. But, despite the negative impact of all of that, there is tons of positivity riddled throughout. Looking back, I can finally see how much redemption came from those pieces. What I mean is, the only way I am able to be someone's 'person' is because of those puzzle pieces. They gave me understanding. They humbled me enough to realize that I had been on the same path and that they were no different than I was at the time. However, when I needed someone to talk to, I felt like I had no one. I had great friends, but I didn't feel like I had a 'person'. Instead, I held everything inside until the guilt completely wrecked me. I was afraid of judgment and of ruining this 'I'm a good Christian and I make no mistakes' reputation I believed I needed to display. And then it happened: the night I shared my messiest mess with a really dear friend of mine. My heart raced and my voice trembled as I spoke the words I thought I would be taking to the grave. But, to my surprise, I was met with more grace, love, and understanding than I ever imagined I could receive. It was then that my friend was no longer my friend - she became my person. When the burden finally fell off my shoulders, I started to realize the freedom we find in relationships in which we are secure, in which we don't have to fear losing their love. That's the kind of relationship we all need in our lives - the kind I wish I knew I had during some of my most difficult times. It was then I vowed to start being that person for others, to start creating relationships that allow for complete transparency and a whole lot of love. But why? Because when our friends accept us for the mistakes we have made - even share the mistakes they've made to show they understand - we are dramatically drawn into the relationship. We feel known and loved anyway. We are comfortable showing our wounds because we see that they have them too. These are life-changing relationships, the relationships where our wounds are completely out on the table. Only when we are able to share our darkest moments are we able to process and heal from them. The key to being that 'person' lies in us realizing that we don't have to have our lives completely figured out nor our messes cleaned up before doing so. Because, if we wait our whole lives to try to clean ourselves up and put our pieces back together so we can finally be someone's 'person', you'll never have that kind of relationship. The truth is, there will always be a few messes in our lives. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Those wounds, those messes, actually make you more approachable. They give you understanding. Most importantly, they have made you who you are today - and you are loved exactly as you are. And you know what? I will always need people to fill that role in my life too. I need people I can turn to with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart because life is hard and the burden can be too heavy to carry on my own sometimes. But some of the greatest blessings in life come through the relationships we have been given. Hang on to the people that remind you of your worth despite your wounds, of the hope in what's to come despite your current sorrow, of God's promise to care for you despite your crippling worries, of a love that has no bounds. They are there for you. So, I have to ask. Who is your 'person'? And most importantly, who's 'person' are you? "To be seen as we truly are, is the biggest risk we will ever take. Will we be enough as we really are? And one day, the question will come, you will be asked, 'Who are you?' And if you're brave enough, you will answer, 'I have nothing. I am nothing, but who I am.' And you will ask the person who asks you who you are, 'Will you take me as I am?'"
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December 2016
AuthorTara | 22 | Gordon College '15 Categories |